They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
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