BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And then my night got REAL pukey
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
