i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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