I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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