Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
