She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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