i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
