I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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