Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
