Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
