Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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