Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
