I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
