My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
