Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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