I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
