Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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