I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
