dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
