I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
