carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think my moral compass just broke
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