alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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