I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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