Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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