His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
