ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
