We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
