I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
