My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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