have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
