Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
