I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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