i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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