I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
