Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
