It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
