wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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