I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
