Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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