I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
