Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
