She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
