I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
