Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Watching her eat just hurts me
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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