I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
