True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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