i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
