sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
