i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
