Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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