I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
