I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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