Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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