i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
