There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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